I am having a really hard time lately with wanting another child and my husband not wanting another child. I want to try for a little girl so bad. I know that there's no guarantee's but I want to at least try. I remember writing about this once before and looked back to see when and it was Decemeber! This has been on my mind for a very long time! I just keep thinking that when I'm older, I will regret not at least trying one more time for a little girl! My heart aches with the thought of not having a girl. I'm a little mad at myself for not just being content with my life now. But, I can't seem to snap out of it. After we talked about it some, I thought I had maybe convinced my husband to at least consider it and then at work one day, he realized how terrible our medical insurance is, and how we couldn't afford to have a baby. He finally had a logical reason for not wanting a baby. So I did some research to see just how much it would cost. And it's a lot. We got ourselves into a bit of credit card debt and then car loans and a mortgage. He doesn't want to add any more to it. And I understand, but my heart doesn't. I just keep thinking that if we don't do it now, we never will once I start working and the boys are much older. This is the time to do it if we were going to. I also keep thinking about if I did convince my husband somehow, that what if it were another boy? Would I feel crushed? Would I be disappointed? I wanted Cory to be a girl so bad! And when I found out he wasn't, I was shockingly really ok with it. So I'm sure I would be ok with it again, because it's still my baby. And 4 kids would never be an option. But 3 has always been a consideration for me. And if I were to get 3 boys, then I would just have to be content and wait for granddaughters. I just feel out of sorts lately. It's on my mind all the time and I can't push it aside. But it takes more than one person to make a baby and it takes a lot of money, that we don't have......so I am at a stand still and I don't like it. I am so thankful for my little boys though, and I'm grateful that I was able to have them. I just can't shake this girl thing. Please pray that I would be content with my life and enjoy what I have. And that this hole in my heart would somehow be filled- either by a baby or just contentment with what God has already blessed me with.