Friday, July 6, 2012
I am having a really hard time lately with wanting another child and my husband not wanting another child. I want to try for a little girl so bad. I know that there's no guarantee's but I want to at least try. I remember writing about this once before and looked back to see when and it was Decemeber! This has been on my mind for a very long time! I just keep thinking that when I'm older, I will regret not at least trying one more time for a little girl! My heart aches with the thought of not having a girl. I'm a little mad at myself for not just being content with my life now. But, I can't seem to snap out of it. After we talked about it some, I thought I had maybe convinced my husband to at least consider it and then at work one day, he realized how terrible our medical insurance is, and how we couldn't afford to have a baby. He finally had a logical reason for not wanting a baby. So I did some research to see just how much it would cost. And it's a lot. We got ourselves into a bit of credit card debt and then car loans and a mortgage. He doesn't want to add any more to it. And I understand, but my heart doesn't. I just keep thinking that if we don't do it now, we never will once I start working and the boys are much older. This is the time to do it if we were going to. I also keep thinking about if I did convince my husband somehow, that what if it were another boy? Would I feel crushed? Would I be disappointed? I wanted Cory to be a girl so bad! And when I found out he wasn't, I was shockingly really ok with it. So I'm sure I would be ok with it again, because it's still my baby. And 4 kids would never be an option. But 3 has always been a consideration for me. And if I were to get 3 boys, then I would just have to be content and wait for granddaughters. I just feel out of sorts lately. It's on my mind all the time and I can't push it aside. But it takes more than one person to make a baby and it takes a lot of money, that we don't have......so I am at a stand still and I don't like it. I am so thankful for my little boys though, and I'm grateful that I was able to have them. I just can't shake this girl thing. Please pray that I would be content with my life and enjoy what I have. And that this hole in my heart would somehow be filled- either by a baby or just contentment with what God has already blessed me with.
Thursday, March 29, 2012
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
pictures galore!
Aren't they cute? this is way back from Christmas, of course.
Made some fudge the other day! And boy, is it yummy!!! If you want the recipe, let me know and I'll post it! It's super easy to make too!
Almost 2 1/2! (on Friday actually) He's getting tubes in his ears tomorrow! Mommy is a nervous wreck! trying not to think about it too much! I know I will have a good cry tomorrow after I leave him in the operating room! Pray for us!
He is just getting TOO big! Almost 6! Craziness! Isn't he cute? :-) I may be a little partial!
I made some homemade popcicles for my boys. They are as healthy as can be too! I cut up some strawberries and some bananas and blended them together and poured them into the popcicle molds. I think they taste too banana-y but my boys love them and that's all that matters!
Made some fudge the other day! And boy, is it yummy!!! If you want the recipe, let me know and I'll post it! It's super easy to make too!
Almost 2 1/2! (on Friday actually) He's getting tubes in his ears tomorrow! Mommy is a nervous wreck! trying not to think about it too much! I know I will have a good cry tomorrow after I leave him in the operating room! Pray for us!
He is just getting TOO big! Almost 6! Craziness! Isn't he cute? :-) I may be a little partial!
I made some homemade popcicles for my boys. They are as healthy as can be too! I cut up some strawberries and some bananas and blended them together and poured them into the popcicle molds. I think they taste too banana-y but my boys love them and that's all that matters!
Sunday, March 18, 2012
Life....
So I have been quite the cook lately. I never thought I would enjoy cooking, but I do! I love trying out new recipes and seeing if they are any good. So far, they all have been! My sister-in-law kristin said I should start putting all the recipes and pictures on my blog, so everything's all in one place. (and she can find it easier! haha :-) ) So I think that I will start putting them on. Perhaps tomorrow. We'll see if I remember. I never write on here any more. I think I would write more if there wasn't facebook. I write everything on there and feel like it's redundant to write it on here too, since it's the same people reading it. I wrote more on here when I didn't write many statuses on facebook.
Life is normal here. I'm trying to craft more that I have all my craft stuff organized in one spot. I made a sign the other day that I just love! I'm hoping to make some more soon! I have to make my brother's wedding favors too. I better get started on those! I am also trying to come up with something to put on my car with my vinyl. I'm thinking a scripture reference, I just don't know which one. Any ideas? I'm also trying to get my house in order again. A few weeks ago I had a rhythm going with cleaning and keeping my house beautiful and it's not working out so great any more. I need an excuse to clean like crazy and then just keep it up. I feel overwhelmed by all that needs to be done, and then I don't end up doing anything! Terrible, right?
Kayden is still loving school and LOVING being able to read! I'm amazed by how well he reads and how much he actually like doing it. He gets mad when I say a word that he knows. He's going to be my little scholar. I'm not so sure Cory will be. Kayden was obsessed with letters when he was 2. Cory has no interest.
Worrying about school next year for Kayden and paying for it. It's so expensive! I don't want my kid in public school any more and I also don't want to homeschool! Kayden doesn't respond well to my teaching. He needs a designated "teacher". But private school are SO expensive! We really want him to go to the school Jon went to, but you have to be rich to be able to afford to send your kids there, and then if they want to be involved in ANYTHING, it's MORE money! I understand why. It's just discouraging to me. We really can't afford it. But, we also don't have a choice. I see the parents that stand outside that school to pick up their kids at the end of the day, and my heart breaks for those kids. Parents who curse in front of their younger kids (and mine) like it's no big deal. I bet their kids say those words. The topics that they talk about. All the single parents, the siblings from different fathers, the parents who smoke (even the the sign says not to). There are 18 kids in Kayden's class and I know of one other family that the parents are married, out of 18 kids? Really? It's just sad to me. And I hear the way those kids talk, and what they talk about, and I don't like it. And this is kindergarten, how much worse is it going to get? I don't want my child exposed to all that. I want him in a good environment where he can learn what's right and hear good things, instead of hearing bad things from his classmates. I want to shield my kid from bad influences for as long as I can, especially when he's young. So, we will be trying to pay tuition for him in the fall. It's going to be a hardship, but nothing could be more important than my child having good influences and learning more about the God that loves him, and the Savior who died for him, all while learning what he needs to learn in academics.
Cory is really starting to pick up things from his brother, things I'd rather him NOT pick up. He also has quite the personality. And he talks like crazy! I found a paper that I wrote on back when Kayden was 27 months, and it had all the words he knew on it. Cory is 29 months and knows like 10 times the amount of words that Kayden knew then! It's crazy how delayed in speech Kayden really was. But being first time parents, how were we supposed to know? I do think that Cory talks more than most kids his age though, as every one points out how well and much he talks. But again, I really don't know. I only have Kayden to compare him with. It's so cute to hear Cory come up with new words every day and to hear his little (sometimes not so little) voice. :-) I need to learn to treasure these things more. They pass so quickly. Before I know it, my little boys won't be so little any more.
I need to learn patience. I am quick to anger instead of slow to anger. I just get so frustrated sometimes and I don't react how I should and then I always regret it. I need to remember that my kids are watching and I need to be a good example and show them how they should act. I need to be more calm....Pray for me as I try to be the Mom I want to be, and learn to be patient with my little ones.
We sang the following song in church today. I really like it. It's one of those songs that I have grown up singing, so it's always nice to sing it in church.
My hope is built on nothing less
Than Jesus’ blood and righteousness.
I dare not trust the sweetest frame,
But wholly trust in Jesus’ Name.
Refrain
On Christ the solid Rock I stand,
All other ground is sinking sand;
All other ground is sinking sand.
When darkness seems to hide His face,
I rest on His unchanging grace.
In every high and stormy gale,
My anchor holds within the veil.
Refrain
His oath, His covenant, His blood,
Support me in the whelming flood.
When all around my soul gives way,
He then is all my Hope and Stay.
Refrain
When He shall come with trumpet sound,
Oh may I then in Him be found.
Dressed in His righteousness alone,
Faultless to stand before the throne.
Refrain
Life is normal here. I'm trying to craft more that I have all my craft stuff organized in one spot. I made a sign the other day that I just love! I'm hoping to make some more soon! I have to make my brother's wedding favors too. I better get started on those! I am also trying to come up with something to put on my car with my vinyl. I'm thinking a scripture reference, I just don't know which one. Any ideas? I'm also trying to get my house in order again. A few weeks ago I had a rhythm going with cleaning and keeping my house beautiful and it's not working out so great any more. I need an excuse to clean like crazy and then just keep it up. I feel overwhelmed by all that needs to be done, and then I don't end up doing anything! Terrible, right?
Kayden is still loving school and LOVING being able to read! I'm amazed by how well he reads and how much he actually like doing it. He gets mad when I say a word that he knows. He's going to be my little scholar. I'm not so sure Cory will be. Kayden was obsessed with letters when he was 2. Cory has no interest.
Worrying about school next year for Kayden and paying for it. It's so expensive! I don't want my kid in public school any more and I also don't want to homeschool! Kayden doesn't respond well to my teaching. He needs a designated "teacher". But private school are SO expensive! We really want him to go to the school Jon went to, but you have to be rich to be able to afford to send your kids there, and then if they want to be involved in ANYTHING, it's MORE money! I understand why. It's just discouraging to me. We really can't afford it. But, we also don't have a choice. I see the parents that stand outside that school to pick up their kids at the end of the day, and my heart breaks for those kids. Parents who curse in front of their younger kids (and mine) like it's no big deal. I bet their kids say those words. The topics that they talk about. All the single parents, the siblings from different fathers, the parents who smoke (even the the sign says not to). There are 18 kids in Kayden's class and I know of one other family that the parents are married, out of 18 kids? Really? It's just sad to me. And I hear the way those kids talk, and what they talk about, and I don't like it. And this is kindergarten, how much worse is it going to get? I don't want my child exposed to all that. I want him in a good environment where he can learn what's right and hear good things, instead of hearing bad things from his classmates. I want to shield my kid from bad influences for as long as I can, especially when he's young. So, we will be trying to pay tuition for him in the fall. It's going to be a hardship, but nothing could be more important than my child having good influences and learning more about the God that loves him, and the Savior who died for him, all while learning what he needs to learn in academics.
Cory is really starting to pick up things from his brother, things I'd rather him NOT pick up. He also has quite the personality. And he talks like crazy! I found a paper that I wrote on back when Kayden was 27 months, and it had all the words he knew on it. Cory is 29 months and knows like 10 times the amount of words that Kayden knew then! It's crazy how delayed in speech Kayden really was. But being first time parents, how were we supposed to know? I do think that Cory talks more than most kids his age though, as every one points out how well and much he talks. But again, I really don't know. I only have Kayden to compare him with. It's so cute to hear Cory come up with new words every day and to hear his little (sometimes not so little) voice. :-) I need to learn to treasure these things more. They pass so quickly. Before I know it, my little boys won't be so little any more.
I need to learn patience. I am quick to anger instead of slow to anger. I just get so frustrated sometimes and I don't react how I should and then I always regret it. I need to remember that my kids are watching and I need to be a good example and show them how they should act. I need to be more calm....Pray for me as I try to be the Mom I want to be, and learn to be patient with my little ones.
We sang the following song in church today. I really like it. It's one of those songs that I have grown up singing, so it's always nice to sing it in church.
My hope is built on nothing less
Than Jesus’ blood and righteousness.
I dare not trust the sweetest frame,
But wholly trust in Jesus’ Name.
Refrain
On Christ the solid Rock I stand,
All other ground is sinking sand;
All other ground is sinking sand.
When darkness seems to hide His face,
I rest on His unchanging grace.
In every high and stormy gale,
My anchor holds within the veil.
Refrain
His oath, His covenant, His blood,
Support me in the whelming flood.
When all around my soul gives way,
He then is all my Hope and Stay.
Refrain
When He shall come with trumpet sound,
Oh may I then in Him be found.
Dressed in His righteousness alone,
Faultless to stand before the throne.
Refrain
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Mommy is here!
My Mommy is visiting this week! She hasn't come by herself for a week since Cory was born! That's a long time! My Dad is coming on Friday to get her and they're leaving me on Saturday. sniff sniff.... I drove out there and got her and drove back all in one day! That was a lot of driving!!! Thankfully my in-laws watched the kids so that I didn't have to drag them on the long trip. They would NOT have enjoyed it. They do ok for one trip, but not two in one day! Glad that I don't have to drive her back! It's such a long trip!
We are going to see the movie, "The Vow" tomorrow. I told Jon that I wanted to see it right when it came out, and then I found out that my mom was coming and I told him I would spare him of it and take my mom instead. I can't wait to see it. I hope it's good. It looks good. Looks like I'll probably cry. I always cry during chick flicks. Jon is happy that he doesn't have to go see it though.
On Monday, we went to 3 Goodwill stores. I found a few things. I love getting a good deal! Today we went grocery shopping while Kayden was at school and then just hung around the house. Had yummy meatloaf for dinner.
My poor husband worked 6am-8pm!!! craziness, right??? I couldn't imagine working that long! He's already in bed. Glad that my mom was here while he worked that crazy long day!
Kayden still LOVES school! I'm so glad! Cory is talking like crazy! I can't believe what he says some times! The length of his sentences are so long for his age. At his 2 year appt they asked if he said 2-3 word sentences- how about more like 8-10?!? He surprises us sometimes!
Well time for bed!
We are going to see the movie, "The Vow" tomorrow. I told Jon that I wanted to see it right when it came out, and then I found out that my mom was coming and I told him I would spare him of it and take my mom instead. I can't wait to see it. I hope it's good. It looks good. Looks like I'll probably cry. I always cry during chick flicks. Jon is happy that he doesn't have to go see it though.
On Monday, we went to 3 Goodwill stores. I found a few things. I love getting a good deal! Today we went grocery shopping while Kayden was at school and then just hung around the house. Had yummy meatloaf for dinner.
My poor husband worked 6am-8pm!!! craziness, right??? I couldn't imagine working that long! He's already in bed. Glad that my mom was here while he worked that crazy long day!
Kayden still LOVES school! I'm so glad! Cory is talking like crazy! I can't believe what he says some times! The length of his sentences are so long for his age. At his 2 year appt they asked if he said 2-3 word sentences- how about more like 8-10?!? He surprises us sometimes!
Well time for bed!
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
Christmas and such
I have been busy busy busy making presents for Christmas this year. It's been a lot of fun! I love to craft! I'm just hoping that the receivers of these gifts like them as much as I do. Most ideas are from pinterest- an aaamazing website! Whoever created it was brilliant! I love looking for new ideas of things to make or recipes to try. I will post some pics of my projects after the recipient has received it! I wouldn't want them seeing their Christmas present on my blog! haha.
So this Decemeber, we started a new Christmas tradition with Kayden. (found the idea on pinterest, of course!) I wrapped 24 Christmas books and every night, Kayden gets to open a new one. He loves it, of course, because who doesn't love to unwrap a present and see what's inside?!? The funny thing is that he thinks they are all new! haha He opened one the first week and said, "I have one just like this!" He was so excited! I told him that they're not "new", but he insists that they are! What a kid! Anyways, though, he loves it and can't wait to open a new one every night! Not all of the books have a Christian Christmas message, but a lot of them do and I love reading the Christmas story over and over to him in different ways. I keep telling him that it's almost Jesus' birthday. We are going to have a cupcake for Jesus on Christmas and sing to him. I asked Kayden who was going to blow out the candle and he said, "Jesus!" I said that he couldn't and that he (Kayden) could, but he said no. So we'll see what happens on Christmas!
Only 5 more days till I get to go see my parents! I can't wait! It'll only have been 2 months, but that's a long time! And with my mom being sick, it has seemed even longer! I'm excited to see everyone, but of course sad to leave my husband behind to work. I'm glad he got a new job, but sad he can't come with us. I hate leaving him. But I know that I need to spend time with my parents too, and the kids need to spend time with their grandparents. I'm so sad that my parents don't get to see my kids all the time. If they lived close, I'd probably bother my mother EVERY day! No joke! Many of my life's problems could be fixed if I lived near my parents. Oh well.
So, lately I've been trying to convince Jon of having another kid to try for a girl. I have a very hard time accepting the fact that I'll never have a little girl. It literally breaks my heart. Growing up with 3 brothers and no sisters, I always wished for a sister, and when that wasn't happening, I starting thinking about having a daughter. I LOVE my boys, don't get me wrong, and wouldn't trade them for anything, BUT my heart longs for a little girl. Boys grow up and don't need their mothers as much. Most girls grow up and talk to their mothers daily. I want that mother-daughter bond that's unlike mother-son bonds. And I know that even if we had another kid, there would be no guarantee of a girl. I'm just having a hard time accepting it. I think because it's been on my mind since I was a little girl with 3 brothers!
Anyways, there's my ramblings. I have to go get my boy from kindergarten now!
So this Decemeber, we started a new Christmas tradition with Kayden. (found the idea on pinterest, of course!) I wrapped 24 Christmas books and every night, Kayden gets to open a new one. He loves it, of course, because who doesn't love to unwrap a present and see what's inside?!? The funny thing is that he thinks they are all new! haha He opened one the first week and said, "I have one just like this!" He was so excited! I told him that they're not "new", but he insists that they are! What a kid! Anyways, though, he loves it and can't wait to open a new one every night! Not all of the books have a Christian Christmas message, but a lot of them do and I love reading the Christmas story over and over to him in different ways. I keep telling him that it's almost Jesus' birthday. We are going to have a cupcake for Jesus on Christmas and sing to him. I asked Kayden who was going to blow out the candle and he said, "Jesus!" I said that he couldn't and that he (Kayden) could, but he said no. So we'll see what happens on Christmas!
Only 5 more days till I get to go see my parents! I can't wait! It'll only have been 2 months, but that's a long time! And with my mom being sick, it has seemed even longer! I'm excited to see everyone, but of course sad to leave my husband behind to work. I'm glad he got a new job, but sad he can't come with us. I hate leaving him. But I know that I need to spend time with my parents too, and the kids need to spend time with their grandparents. I'm so sad that my parents don't get to see my kids all the time. If they lived close, I'd probably bother my mother EVERY day! No joke! Many of my life's problems could be fixed if I lived near my parents. Oh well.
So, lately I've been trying to convince Jon of having another kid to try for a girl. I have a very hard time accepting the fact that I'll never have a little girl. It literally breaks my heart. Growing up with 3 brothers and no sisters, I always wished for a sister, and when that wasn't happening, I starting thinking about having a daughter. I LOVE my boys, don't get me wrong, and wouldn't trade them for anything, BUT my heart longs for a little girl. Boys grow up and don't need their mothers as much. Most girls grow up and talk to their mothers daily. I want that mother-daughter bond that's unlike mother-son bonds. And I know that even if we had another kid, there would be no guarantee of a girl. I'm just having a hard time accepting it. I think because it's been on my mind since I was a little girl with 3 brothers!
Anyways, there's my ramblings. I have to go get my boy from kindergarten now!
Thursday, December 8, 2011
December already?
Jon is watching the Steelers game so I needed something to do. So I decided to write on here. I don't know what I'm going to write, but I'm sure I'll ramble on about something....
The Steelers are playing the Browns and therefore, I can't root for one team or the other. Hubbby likes the Steelers, Daddy likes the Browns. I can't root for one of them to be upset! So I don't care who wins, I suppose. (not that I really care anyways, it IS sports, afterall)
I can't believe that it's December already. Only 17 more days till Christmas. Craziness. I'm busy making my presents for everyone. Some are turning out nice, while some are not quite what I had envisioned. Oh well. They are still nice and I'm sure the people receiving them will like them and appreciate them. After all, they are made with love <3.
My mother has pneumonia and has been sick for a while. I want to go see her so bad, but I can't. I wish it was christmas already just so that I can go see her and my Dad. It's tough not being able to just pack up and go. But that's what happens when you have a kid in school.
Kayden LOVES school too! I'm so happy. We were worried how he would do. I think he's going to be brilliant. :-) He LOVES to read. He's getting LOTS of those "I CAN READ" books for Christmas. He's going to be so excited. Every time I read him a book now he wants to "help" me. I have to let him say all the words he knows (the, I, a, big, tree, foot, feet, it's, we, see, up, cat, mat, hat, etc.) He gets mad when he sees a word he knows that I didn't let him say. It's cute, but reading a book now takes forever! He can pretty much read, "GO, DOG GO!" by himself and he loves it! He's read it to my mom over the phone and over skype. He can also read line by line without pointing at what he's reading. I was very shocked by that because as a teacher, I know that when they start to read, they are supposed to point to the words to help them follow the sentences. Just like they are supposed to point to what they are counting. He also doesn't always do that. It's exciting for me that he's so into school. I had told Jon that I was going to struggle with my expectations if we had children that didn't get good grades because I always strove for that and hated to get Bs! I wanted all As all the time! So, we shall see how our little Cory does :-)
Well, that's all for now. I don't know what else to write! Oh Jon starts his job on December 19th! yay! yay! good news! I'm going to miss him being home all the time and I think for the first few weeks I'm going to be extremely lonely till I get used to it again. I just hope he doesn't end up with 2nd shift. I want day light! Pray!
The Steelers are playing the Browns and therefore, I can't root for one team or the other. Hubbby likes the Steelers, Daddy likes the Browns. I can't root for one of them to be upset! So I don't care who wins, I suppose. (not that I really care anyways, it IS sports, afterall)
I can't believe that it's December already. Only 17 more days till Christmas. Craziness. I'm busy making my presents for everyone. Some are turning out nice, while some are not quite what I had envisioned. Oh well. They are still nice and I'm sure the people receiving them will like them and appreciate them. After all, they are made with love <3.
My mother has pneumonia and has been sick for a while. I want to go see her so bad, but I can't. I wish it was christmas already just so that I can go see her and my Dad. It's tough not being able to just pack up and go. But that's what happens when you have a kid in school.
Kayden LOVES school too! I'm so happy. We were worried how he would do. I think he's going to be brilliant. :-) He LOVES to read. He's getting LOTS of those "I CAN READ" books for Christmas. He's going to be so excited. Every time I read him a book now he wants to "help" me. I have to let him say all the words he knows (the, I, a, big, tree, foot, feet, it's, we, see, up, cat, mat, hat, etc.) He gets mad when he sees a word he knows that I didn't let him say. It's cute, but reading a book now takes forever! He can pretty much read, "GO, DOG GO!" by himself and he loves it! He's read it to my mom over the phone and over skype. He can also read line by line without pointing at what he's reading. I was very shocked by that because as a teacher, I know that when they start to read, they are supposed to point to the words to help them follow the sentences. Just like they are supposed to point to what they are counting. He also doesn't always do that. It's exciting for me that he's so into school. I had told Jon that I was going to struggle with my expectations if we had children that didn't get good grades because I always strove for that and hated to get Bs! I wanted all As all the time! So, we shall see how our little Cory does :-)
Well, that's all for now. I don't know what else to write! Oh Jon starts his job on December 19th! yay! yay! good news! I'm going to miss him being home all the time and I think for the first few weeks I'm going to be extremely lonely till I get used to it again. I just hope he doesn't end up with 2nd shift. I want day light! Pray!
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